tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63052272011-08-05T10:09:11.720-04:00ether brick lust thirteen crows and twelve rabbits:
this is the chronicle of transition/
lass den mude toten vertig sein
und veile anfange zu wirklichkeit
geboren sei. hier ist den geschichte ein madchen,
das fuhlt sich in den hertze eine frau nach heim, und eine frau die suched immer nach verstanden des lebens.
all is permeable absolutes are of little use here but let the tired dead be done and many new beginnings spring forth
Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.comBlogger851100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1101164753647725942004-11-22T17:41:00.000-05:002005-01-12T08:51:58.313-05:00my heart tried to skip town
and i almost drowned
my heart tried to skip town
and i fell heavy
a brick to the ground
my heart tried to skip town
and i was good as tied to the pyre
singing the funeral durge of desire
match and strike in hand
seducing the worst face of fire
were all come to pass
but for Lady Grace
with her gentle gate
and her coaxing smile
she brought me back my heart
cradeled in Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1101067263573802832004-11-21T14:32:00.000-05:002004-11-21T15:01:03.573-05:00yesterday i wanted it all to go away; the bleeding, the scars, the vomiting, the spector of my own mortality, my craving for love,my revulsion at my own circumstance.
practice seemed devoid of usefulness.
yesterday i wanted to end, to escape into anything but my life, to disassociate myself from sterility, physical weekness, longing, fragility.
i was consumed by a sense of failure, as if i was Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1100109579968100702004-11-10T13:33:00.000-05:002005-01-08T21:32:45.470-05:00Hope, that feathered thing that sits in your soul. --Emily Dickenson
Jane, i'm warning you; however enthralled you are by their heroism, their search, the transient web of their connections, their strength and their delicacy; do not seek to become one of them and live their lives.
It's your lot that you're consigned to the laws and incidentals that humankind is given to.
No matter what Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1097091253018989232004-10-06T15:00:00.001-04:002004-10-06T15:34:13.016-04:00Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1097091245479039722004-10-06T15:00:00.000-04:002004-10-06T15:34:05.480-04:00ha. so i will have a little business luncheon with the pastor and the administrator and Red Skate Red will contribute to center city's rock ghetto. this is the plan. halleluja! may the bandy -band find it's new home. amen.
Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1096865295342134522004-10-04T01:36:00.000-04:002004-10-04T00:48:15.343-04:00there is no justice the way there is no god.
i have befriended my worst enemy, perhaps he will be spared hell and be reincarnated as a dog. this evening i explained to him how i was forged, how i came into being and all the blessings that now fill my days, all this after years of heart ache and sorrow, all this in a quiet room while i worked the softest yarn with my fingers and a hook. i want Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1096769247909312132004-10-02T21:54:00.000-04:002004-10-03T00:23:35.010-04:00day 13
well folks, it's another saturday night enveloped by the protective auspices of HUP for your's truly. this evening i started to crochet and did so without inturuption untill i got a little dizzy and realized that i hadn't eaten anything in a while, i looked up and saw it was eight-thirty and that dinner had not been delivered to my room by the nice man who also happens to be a cancer Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1096662423241626522004-10-01T16:07:00.000-04:002004-10-01T16:27:03.240-04:00what i want most of all right now is for some one i like to wisk me out of the hospital , out of the city to some beautiful wooded wild place and go on a hike woith me, or a photography mission, just anywhere that's autumn in all it's glory and out of doors. i want this so bad it makes me cry. i went outside today and saw people, and trees and the cloudless sky. it was revealed to me today thatAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1096481949828101982004-09-29T14:04:00.000-04:002004-09-29T14:19:09.830-04:00another day in hospital, feeling stronger, this makes 10 in a row, rumor has it that my lungs sound "better" anyway-- my eyes are bright.
last night a friend braved the rain to bring me dinner worthy of eating and good conversation, today is my brother's birthday HOORAY! he was awakened to breakfast in bed and red lipstick kisses from his wife and five year old step-daughter, the doctor team Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1095890983925319942004-09-22T17:36:00.000-04:002004-09-29T14:03:47.053-04:00so the old way wasn't working, now we try the new way. four days in hospital, instead of four hours in a clinic, stronger stuff, stem cell harvesting and transplant. my neighbor is into gardening so we've been discussing the most hearty plants to start a garden with. i may need a helper to start the beds, but regardless i'll take it easy and plant: croacus, peanies, forget-me-nots, Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1092536509389639022004-08-14T22:20:00.000-04:002004-08-14T22:21:49.390-04:00fuck cancer
fuck the RNC
party party
party party
dance dance dance.Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1092024387526820982004-08-09T00:05:00.000-04:002004-08-09T00:06:27.526-04:00now is an auspicious time for living.
'nuff said.
Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1091755212607835642004-08-05T21:08:00.000-04:002004-08-05T21:20:12.606-04:00the monkey said "there is nothing to understand, nothing one way or another has been indicated." i like monkey.
************************************************************
apparently i'm a morning after kind of girl, but hey! this may mean that i'll be up and running for greater portion of the week end, for now it is computor and tea with maleka, saturday a leo fette, sunday bike repair and Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1091234732247265342004-07-30T20:19:00.000-04:002004-07-30T23:48:55.820-04:00today: sour green apple belts, an outfit to match, my little pony(i am a hoarse girl, yes it's true when i was a kitten i worked the stabels for lessons, and took every opportunity to saddle up for a trot or gallop {i have ridden a white hoarse though i've never ridden tHe white hoarse},new sneaks, no chemo just yet,though white cells are on the rise, more body builder eating,negotiating Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1090900322098783382004-07-26T23:50:00.000-04:002004-07-26T23:52:02.096-04:00go to jibjab.com
funny political ha-ha
watch the "This land" cartoon.
xoooooooooAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1090560402637976032004-07-23T01:08:00.000-04:002004-07-23T01:29:10.476-04:00scince i have my journal down here by the computor i'll relay the experince i had while under going a biopsy of my left lung:
breath in breath out breath in breath out
hold
ohm Shakti ohm Shakti ohm Shakti ohm
athi Shakti maha Shakti para Shakti ohm
she dances the sky
in classic finery
and i float along in the matrix
as this giantess
this creatrix
polarizes galexies
with the shifting of her Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1090272490419518782004-07-19T17:12:00.000-04:002004-07-19T17:28:10.420-04:00i'm turnining 25 in five days and i have a cell phone and chillie will be the top food choice and i'm navigating the logistics just fine my body is changing i'm learning to take naps and to move slower and go farther and i feel stronger right now than i have in months, so ha! to the big prankster and much love to the lovelies, my little fsmiliy is finding it's way through all sorts of caverns butAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1090187884659253032004-07-18T17:49:00.000-04:002004-07-18T17:58:04.660-04:00i'm being so taken care of right now, i'm greatful, there's a lot of surrender in this, i've never been so vulnerable as i am now, so in need of assitsance,because i am a fool i look ahead and wonder,worry and hope that i can take care of myself in the comming months, there's so much change afoot in my life right now, it's hard to keep track of it all, but i have an organizer and my list of Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1089811095862648322004-07-14T09:07:00.000-04:002004-07-14T09:18:15.863-04:00stage 2 poorly differentiated b cell lymphoma
chinese hamsters are saving my life
their overian tincture runs thruogh my blood
i am bundeled up for comfort
walking writing
reminding doctors and nurses that
there is a human being
a whip smart delight behind
the wall of tissue in my lung
and the water sitting on my heart
today i will eat and enjoy
blessed be all of you.
truly truly,
adorned for Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1089259913485080672004-07-08T00:09:00.000-04:002004-07-08T00:11:53.486-04:00dance in hospital room
i got a cancer don't know what kind
thirteen days in limbo
doctor doctor
doctor doctor
every morning
she he he she
listens
looks earnest
INFORM ME!
INFORM ME!
i don't know what to do
after visiting hours
dance in hospital roomAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1086410445058875032004-06-05T00:38:00.000-04:002004-07-01T22:49:05.103-04:00i feel stronger than i did yesterday,i've rediscovered the joy of eating, i woke with hunger and hope and it held me through the day.Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1085462801068941142004-05-25T01:08:00.000-04:002004-07-07T23:10:54.786-04:00FELIX
it's black stockings and wide eyes behind that unrulely lock of hair
and every act of consideration old old power it goes unrecognised but to those who know how to crack the code of the widow those who know how to crack the code of the widow those who know how to crack the code of the widow can call up to her from the street and witness her dance she dances old old power
it's black Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1085453862497063182004-05-24T22:55:00.000-04:002004-05-25T01:30:56.763-04:00latley i've been reconsidering the way i live my life, i've always thought that it's better live with other people, but maybe tht's the exact wrong thing, maybe i need to live alone....??????Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1085185993134158132004-05-21T20:24:00.000-04:002004-05-21T20:33:13.133-04:00there are those things that summon
wheather it be sound or scent or vision or texture
there are those things that summon
the young spector through the permeable clutches
of time and space
and for a moment there is none but her
there is no big bad-ass mamma
to take care of
the shaking, quaking little one
the mauled body and the pretty face
but
all moments pass
what is permeable is not built forAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1084993654031271502004-05-19T14:43:00.000-04:002004-05-19T15:19:33.196-04:00in other news:
if all goes as planned tonight, before i lay me down to sleep, will be marked by a pivot, a turning point if you will....
i've had insomnia for the last twelve years, sleeping at night is just something that has been very difficult for me to do, except in those rare and boyant phases of perfect trust in a lover's arms, so i'm going to try a pill. i havn't done this before because Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1084991943667247002004-05-19T13:59:00.000-04:002004-05-19T15:18:11.300-04:00my friends sharon and shir are escorts for planned parenthood.
here are some of the endearing names the pro-lifer's have for them:
death-skorts (a fashion statement like no other)
gaurdians of hell (wanna' get to the river styx ?! ya' gotta get past these beauties first.)
lesbians (okay...what?)
here are some of the monikers they have for their VERY persistant and sometimes physicaly violant Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1084865705780641232004-05-18T02:57:00.000-04:002004-05-18T03:35:05.780-04:00it's... the sheet twisting confusion, the not knowing which direction to go, if what i thought,to be the wise way, the most noble way, brings nothing except bewilderment, and a sense of futility...it's this i think is most painful in life.
pain makes me cry
crying disapates the rock that has decended on my chest
affection changes the world i live in
old wounds remember themselves like clock work Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1084863365266035512004-05-18T02:54:00.000-04:002004-05-19T19:34:19.336-04:00Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1084863033609565452004-05-18T02:47:00.000-04:002004-05-18T02:53:46.983-04:00introducing the future of trouble -future party cocoa house 2004
Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1084641972363114342004-05-15T13:13:00.000-04:002004-05-15T13:26:12.363-04:00i havn't been writing lately
not publicly at least i write this now and the sun hides making the room feel all high ceilings and vault like. i've not been saying lately, not been divulging,keeping to my self what meaning i've found in things, with the teamster for instance there is no easy over, there is this alteration which i understand logisticaly but not emotionaly, and i think its a kind of Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1084570530521463832004-05-14T17:29:00.000-04:002004-05-15T13:13:03.820-04:00the new blogger set up is so, so, so beige.
beige like rich peoples living rooms
like spray on stucco
like a minimalists wet dream
in uncomfortable chairs
and a clearance sale at IKEA
blah blah blah blah
Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1083541643635653642004-05-02T19:30:00.000-04:002004-05-02T19:51:45.076-04:00okay, franacia-lia-block-heads! what kind of dangerous angel are you?????
for instance: i peg myself as a witch-baby-weezie-bat combo
are you a duck? or what. write you're responses in the comments box.
.......................
random ramble
.......................
i want to go out dancing every night this week.
my typos are imprints of accent, no invisible-english-news-caster-speak here! oh no.Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1083537369599685072004-05-02T18:05:00.001-04:002004-05-02T18:47:09.076-04:00generally i'm an optimist,sometimes the movements of this look like protest, sometimes their essential qualities are protest: must there always be struggle to be joy?
i rode through the old neighborhood, i passed by a deranged memory: these streets and faces from the days when misanthropy was passed off as creative impulse, when gentleness was disapointed at every turn, when what was offered was Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1083128018999026152004-04-28T00:41:00.000-04:002004-04-28T00:57:53.590-04:00oh i love this time of year
time for bike polo and riding the trail to explore and find sounds and the environment so auspicous for the rights of the inquisitive and blossoms and pollen everywhere and time for giving form to inspirations and sunny dinner parties and great shows and ladies ladies takin' care o' business and new phases of old projects and so much joy more alive more more
{music}
Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1083066533807564772004-04-27T07:12:00.000-04:002004-04-27T07:53:07.513-04:00i'll post a little photo diary of the dc shenanagins sometime in the next coupla days, but for now, some musings of a more personal nature:
should come as no suprise that what
rests between the lines
before the break of dawn
can not survive the riggors
of life in the light of day
....but it was in those hours
those days that i had more than hope to bare
i believed
i believed in the Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1082589608604529792004-04-21T19:18:00.000-04:002004-04-21T19:25:17.170-04:00Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1082582287843492712004-04-21T17:07:00.000-04:002004-04-21T17:23:59.843-04:00packing day today. overheard some dude working a coffee shop expounding on the relative emotional maturity of superman vs. batman who he said was " stuck in the emotional awareness of a seven year old". went to apply for a shit job today in some deli, had an interveiw even, but my heart fell through the floor the minute i walked into the place. this is not what i want. i want the job at Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1082519591709225242004-04-20T23:43:00.000-04:002004-04-21T17:24:23.123-04:00last year the phenomena that occupied the front seat of my preoccupations was that of bodies moving through space, how the consiousness and physical dynamics of those bodies act upon each other, and what the outcomes of those affects were/are
this year my rhumenations have taken a different turn i think more about change of circumstance, and shifts in consciousness and how those alterations Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1082433461095712112004-04-19T23:49:00.000-04:002004-04-21T00:45:34.186-04:00friday, in the early afternoon charlie was out of doors. she was surrounded by the lush aromatics of her lovingly cultivated rose bushes, and accompanied by tony and traffic her two cats. her eyes were locked on the sky. a friend had called her yesterday afternoon to let her know that there would be a messege that would appear sometime between quarter-to-one and quarter-after that could be read Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1082100729931034542004-04-16T03:31:00.000-04:002004-04-16T11:54:26.170-04:00Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1082058443236792132004-04-15T15:42:00.000-04:002004-04-19T23:52:49.826-04:00the magic of the day has hit
all systems are a go
apple blossom girl
take magnolia petals
into your mouth
let them ride over your palet
and see what comes
see what comes of what you've foundAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1082006139074788892004-04-15T00:44:00.000-04:002004-04-15T04:27:21.860-04:00everthing with me is an indulgance. currently with the weather's dubious blessing i indulge that part of me that delights in being tucked neatly away from the complexities of being amongst other humans, in a quiet room with a cup of tea and a good read.
time and space for my mind to play
with no creatures of like kind
to mince around and posture me
i prefer
text to sub text any day
those who Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1081871285974475932004-04-13T10:33:00.000-04:002004-04-15T04:33:34.543-04:00{i've gone off recently about hemlines, and the whore/wife dichotomy and where i see myself in that light. gentle reader allow me to clarify, it is only in as much as i've had to adapt to the confines of the social normalisation of the tyranical and inherently capitalist practices of social codification and comodification that i identify as a whore.}
There exsists in emperial american culture a Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1081803769548336492004-04-12T16:41:00.000-04:002004-04-12T17:06:43.780-04:00'sacrificial mother martyrs almost always give sustained care, even as they may mix this care with dominating,coercive behavior. many women(and men)confuse sadomachistic emotional terrorism with love. When females are taught to belive we are more capable of giving love than our male counterparts, we are embracing patriarchal assumptions.' ----bell hooks
now that i'm grown, now that i'm far from Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1081661064442810092004-04-11T00:24:00.000-04:002004-04-11T21:12:02.343-04:00oh come child,oh come child, come rescue me, you have seen some unbelivable things........oh how time flys with crystal clear eyes..........................
-----Cat Power
wear a ring in my hair
as if i were the little girl
with a vow to be loyal
to the golden one
the super hero
and the lonely hunter
call me "Dama"
i hold them all
stand in between the tepid lines
regal and illigitamate
Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1081545839712534492004-04-09T17:01:00.001-04:002004-04-09T17:37:15.780-04:00it is official, i must move with a quickness, must stay out of
the environment that caused the illness. once moved there is lots of hope for speedy recouperation, simple old school remedies will do the trick, then there can be what i've been missing these months dancing and modeling and touch. i've felt ashamed.
Dr.'s orders:
2. fleas can't feed on human blood, they will bite but it can't Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1081236619065673862004-04-06T03:12:00.000-04:002004-04-06T04:00:37.686-04:00the waves were moving in two directions
quadratics at work
each wavelette could have been charted, perhaps was by another
but not by myself, who simply looked on in awe
the wind was wild running and pushing bodies in motion every which way
and the trees
released their booty
sent out masses of helicoptors on missions
to find fertile ground for new beginnings
and it was bitter and wild and Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1080884546121926242004-04-02T00:28:00.000-05:002004-04-06T04:07:15.186-04:00i'm waering a pinkdress Karen gave me, the hem goes all the way to the knee, the dress it totaly cute, empress cut, retro circa 1970's professional, but that hem it's too long, the fact that wearing a dress with a hem line that reaches the knee makes me want to shoot myself , is ridiculous. 2.5 inches folk, that's all it would take for me to feel like i was honoring my kind.
i know it's some Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1080691149248206112004-03-30T18:53:00.000-05:002004-03-30T19:11:46.543-05:00culture sends out a poision dart.
poison dart flee my heart!
reveal all that is strange and unkept by you.Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1080189858911143912004-03-24T22:49:00.000-05:002004-03-24T23:51:06.013-05:00the day:
i paint and sculpt, sing and play, repair and clean, ride and listen, organize and plot.
and Sharon asks because she wants to understand why it is that i must go now.
and i tell her that it's time to move on and move on and move on
and let go, let go, let go, let go....................
death has moved through me.
Sharon and i talk about six years from now when she will be a defence Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1079642116393756332004-03-18T15:24:00.001-05:002004-03-18T23:45:37.936-05:00all my fears about
an isolated incidance
about a love never before experienced
happening for one moment
one day
one week
opening me wide
and then disapearing
never to move again
under my skin
out into the world
all these fears
have beeen laid to rest
what is new and beautiful
what is tender
what is precious
has found me again
he is persistant
he wants my love
and my honesty
and he can have itAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1079539953510218722004-03-17T11:02:00.000-05:002004-03-22T01:05:59.640-05:00the realization that i can have what i really truly want is starting to sink in. it's destroying everything fixed, concrete becomes shadow, iron becomes mitis, i am rearanged as i rearange and find new placement for what is of value.
malleable
platinum ingot
manifesting
davyum
*wow*
Da Da Da
....154....Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1079538713524673992004-03-17T10:45:00.000-05:002004-03-17T10:58:00.610-05:00zapatero! zapatero!
yeah he's our man!
if he can't do it.....
well somebody else can
and we're all gonna' haf ta' anyway----to get the job done.
i was shaken back into awareness of the world at large, from the family circle grieving the death of my uncle, by the election of this Socialist Prime Minister in Spain. Go ahead man, pull those troops out ---and with gusto!
the things that put a smile Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1079499794405803012004-03-16T23:52:00.000-05:002004-03-17T11:01:35.076-05:00...............................................
Dear messenger,
in the interest of full disclosure
i reveal the following:
i am terribly good at being alone.
i enjoy it, and only occasionaly
do i chastise myself for this.
who can capture my interest?
who knows the way to provoke revelation?
i crave not the hostility of the hunt.
what is it that you offer?
i have long been gifted.
long i have Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1078719286237026692004-03-07T23:10:00.000-05:002004-03-07T23:17:51.326-05:00stupid "big american" bullshit
Capitalism!
fuck you it's personal
always has been.Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1078610337431503692004-03-06T16:21:00.000-05:002004-03-09T20:31:09.513-05:00{i chose my fathers and i chose wisely.
experience has brought a shock
that reminds -- that pulls me
up from the celler of doubt
to see the truth of this}
loyalty and love has been given
to the gentle quiet one
who's heart broke when his wife died
loyalty and love has been given
to the wise-kraker
who laughed that time travel is commonplace
grand imagination
grand as the men
Death strikesAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1078525351192456412004-03-05T17:16:00.000-05:002004-03-21T04:55:47.856-05:00in memorium
of James R. Otto a.k.a. Big Jim
who among other things taught me the ins and outs of penny anti poker, and who by his death has managed to raise the stakes in my own little life, got more on my table, i'm not complainin', it's time to let go of everything that holds me back, call me unbridaled, beckon realization, autonomous. it's time to move on.
{beautiful men of the world!
never Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1078428910504056932004-03-04T14:29:00.000-05:002004-03-04T14:38:10.686-05:00tremble inside
have you ever seen a foal stand for the first time?
experincial pleasure
life is the round bulb of a peany
exposing itself
each petal meets the sun Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1078213131240518222004-03-02T02:38:00.000-05:002004-03-02T13:46:41.733-05:00she told me her story
of running home when the sirens blared out in the early afternoon
she had been on an errand to buy bread for her family
and the grenade exploded when she was two doors down from her own
she spoke of when babies were sliced open under that same sun and stuffed with explosives
to kill their mothers
she was the oldest of seven
they hid in the house when the guerillas came
she Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1078199499153841022004-03-01T22:36:00.000-05:002004-03-01T22:59:55.716-05:00dark baby die tonight.
forgive these times
push
forgive how you chose to pay your dues
........push
forgive how you chose to pay
................push
forgive how you chose.
door opens
absence does not fill
lit space exposed to your view
forgive
lit space quick
washes over the threashold
........................changes the room
changes you.
spite has fled bare foot!
kind wonder be thankfull,
Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1078036870638619232004-02-29T00:38:00.000-05:002004-03-02T03:26:56.983-05:00she danced and danced
all the while screaming in agony
all the while clutching her partner to her
her partner a mad scientist
set on experimentation with volocity
with density and the frailty of the human form
she danced and danced
all the while screaming in agony
face set in a miserable mask
spine convulsing whiping about
beyond the limitations of its design
all the while clutching madness Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1077933048470566772004-02-27T20:49:00.000-05:002004-02-28T03:19:10.263-05:00this is a repost taken from CNN.com perhaps it might be of some interest to all you art nerd porn stars out there.
Anti-porn groups want hard-core response in D.C.
From...
May 7, 2001
Web posted at: 1:56 PM EDT (1756 GMT)
By Ethan Smith
(IDG) -- Representatives of nearly a dozen anti-pornography organizations will meet with U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft next week, hoping to Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1077922142144322682004-02-27T17:22:00.000-05:002004-02-27T17:51:54.060-05:00Notes on Sex Work and Identity:
one of the issues in organizing and creating community among sex workers is the identity.
an exotic dancer may not identify as a sex worker, the work being notheing more to her than a means of getting the cash together to pay tution for that next semester at Penn.
In this respect i'm an industry odd ball. Scince i identify my past work in the industry as sex work, Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1077869085983931962004-02-27T02:31:00.000-05:002004-02-27T04:31:55.200-05:00love is an occurance.Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1077865974900734272004-02-27T01:26:00.000-05:002004-02-27T02:15:46.466-05:00yesterday i went and had a meeting with a representative of Red Light ( a group of social service workers who aligned to become a support network for the members of the now defunct SWAT, Sex Workers Action Team) and another member of the IWW, Industrial Workers of the World. We spent two hours discusing the policies of the IWW, and the organizational histories of both as they pertain to sex work Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1077728304423269182004-02-25T10:09:00.000-05:002004-02-27T01:25:42.263-05:00by my back
young hustler
its true!
bright arrow
this can be touched
be seen through
naked face
chest bound
to breath the life
everything is set and fine
all is well
all is up in the air
vermillion and hooker green
harbors of dimension
pulsing out yonder
in Van Gough
dream scape fashion
ready to be reached
grasped with a firm hand
pulled through the divide
ready to be
the bright arrow
ofAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1077606117215403062004-02-24T00:45:00.000-05:002004-02-24T04:28:40.153-05:00here i feel as if i were being wrapped around her pinky finger, with each wave i am mesmerized, curious. i like it. smile wide.
blush from the overwhealming flux of connection that openess brings.
this is all so relative.
this is all so differant than strutting with my grip tight on the glamour reigns, holding position, working every moment to strain against the meat beneath my own breastAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1077323792148454122004-02-20T19:31:00.000-05:002004-02-24T04:07:30.233-05:00...soft... soft ...soft
cupie doll fuck me queen
kiss soft grafitti
soft........soft
gender roladex
...old school.....
stone cold femme
flip through
at rapid pace
greaser rat pack debutant
flip through
feel the currents of air shift
flutter reshape
create greater dimension
alley cat pounce
lunge in for a bite
strike lightning!
strike!
strike me again.Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1077182210507676572004-02-19T04:10:00.000-05:002004-02-19T04:25:48.920-05:00take self defense classes. just go and do it! Don't wait another moment. i kid you not kittens, foster your own security NOW!
If tu habite en le Illadelph or the surrounding areas check out WAVE. Their commitment to the communities they serve is truely amazing, they are super flexible about payment, you can volunteer if you don't have the bling, though they love getting that too. The Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1076775413691505202004-02-14T10:19:00.000-05:002004-02-28T19:49:28.153-05:00Fria needed a place to put her shit. the psudo anarchist cult leader that had been her land lord up untill last night finaly kicked her out of the carraige house she'd been living in for the past year, for not paying rent. Bike messenger had proved itself not to be the most lucrative position for a newbie like herself in the midst of the slow hot summer, and she saw no reason to fork over the Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1076771905323418082004-02-14T10:09:00.000-05:002004-02-27T17:21:24.170-05:00Survivors know what it means to be treated like a thing. It can lead to this cumpulsion to prove one's humanity over and over again, cuz somewhere along the line this wasn't understood, i've been there and it's a painful desparate place to start from. Healing provides relief from this, which i'm greatful for. So now instead of needing every action to scream out :"See i am human! No, really, Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-107631286601901382004-02-09T02:41:00.000-05:002004-02-11T01:11:26.060-05:00IQ/EQ Test: Which one of these is not like the others?
cereal box, empty beer bottle, chair, picture frame, cigarette roller, mannequin bust, fork, hard hat, bowl, basket, child, wrench, vase, nail, hinge, lid, car, sticker, radio, calender, toy gun, business card, religouse icon, key chain, mixed tapeAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1076057508729245712004-02-06T03:35:00.000-05:002004-02-14T09:36:31.123-05:00being able to fight changes everything, being able to fight in a mode that is appropriate to ones intrinsic sensabilities turns all the spaces in between everything to lightAxihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1075882118427120032004-02-04T03:07:00.000-05:002004-02-14T09:37:20.140-05:00i heart paradox (is there a way to put the thoughtful giggle into text form?) hmmmm.....Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1075674542647375252004-02-01T17:20:00.000-05:002004-02-03T03:41:41.610-05:00know this
wrap it around my heart
let it destroy and recreate
every passage of my mind
and the root between my thighs
know this
let it open the pearl bow behind my lips
all possibility is with me
there is no need
there is no need
to choose
to become static wife or concubine
let their conversation be continuous
there is the power
ware it in my eyes every moment
there is no need
there is no need
Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1075422045106876902004-01-29T19:08:00.000-05:002004-01-31T03:59:00.576-05:00wild thing
turn to a civalized queen!
thick
quick as the lick of a whip
wild thing
turn to brick shore woman
you meet
her ends she'll spend you again and again
wild thing
just let your ends be your own
a myth not of your making
holds no fruit for your bones
super hero
you hear the call
and save the girl
pull her from the rip tide
you always know how
always know how
to lift
lift her up Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1075323547548114282004-01-28T15:06:00.000-05:002004-02-14T09:40:21.903-05:00below is the back script and dialouge for an interactive performance instalation i participated in over the summer. The theme of the instalation was transformation and greek myth and a study of Killroi (statues created by the greeks whose remnance provide an anthropological survay of standards of male beauty as they evolved through the centuries) were used as starting points for the six Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1075183036281516472004-01-27T00:57:00.000-05:002004-02-06T03:07:52.670-05:00A three year old human
IS ---
is not a women
not a man
This is the age of mysterious reaching.
impulse feeling through space, air, imagination, water
hair unkempt and untrained
multiplicity of dimension is sensed
expressed
is unspoken called senseless
hir wholly driven
is met with violence
A three year old female grows is four,
gray light soft on the surface
brings with it a Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1075182451705699782004-01-27T00:43:00.000-05:002004-02-03T03:00:56.543-05:00Teir tear Teir tear
tear Tear tear Teir
ani ani
detachment's bust
abandon finds
ani ani
never a gohst.Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1075082175399499452004-01-25T20:38:00.000-05:002004-01-27T00:54:09.996-05:00winter you stir my heart under the ice
home home
i've returned to you
so glad
now is the moment before embrace
when tears well under the surface
now is the moment before embrace
when craving for touch is most potant
broad strokes
wide strips of sky
gray
clear platelets
gold, blue, green sweep my eyes
home home
so glad
i left you looking for a place
to stand in the jagged set
Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1075039531669674762004-01-25T08:44:00.000-05:002004-02-14T09:43:59.170-05:00The first night i was to spend in my (now very beloved) household i walked in on the remnance of a party that had been going on. In the living room there were a bunch of dudes in their early twenties checkin out some vintage porn mags. Which is fine by me(i've scanned through those mags myself and know them to be fine specimans of their ilk) but, then they started insulting it, when i could see Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1074472189100652092004-01-18T19:26:00.000-05:002004-01-24T00:41:29.843-05:00010101011binary be damned100
i say 8 this once forever
Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1074065459742526382004-01-14T02:24:00.000-05:002004-01-14T02:35:40.123-05:00love my friends
take care of business
with Jerzie style.
Big hair is back
i said so 45 % bitch
Cease fire, this bodies mine.
so is the the gentleness
and the child eye
open my heart
state terms navigate
there is no negotiation
reconsilliation irrelevant
bebe love i'll hold you
bebe love is a wild mark
good-bye.Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-1073889988915379602004-01-12T01:43:00.000-05:002004-01-30T21:06:13.530-05:00some online recources that i've come across and deem worthy of reading:
Are you HIV prejediced?
PROSPER
A national harm reduction advocacy, education, direct services and ... links sex workers and others to resources provided by sex workers' organizations. ...
SFSI | Web Resources : Support & Community
... National Coalition for Sexual Freedom National advocacy on sex ... the site from Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6305227.post-107363861200708362004-01-09T03:26:00.000-05:002004-01-24T05:04:06.310-05:00ether brick lust
beasties run amuck
under skyless sun
in this row city set with bridges!
ether brick lust
rolls off my pretty tounge
a smile set with fangs
a bad girl gone good
only to return home again
and resurect what was lost.
pounce dart and dive
ready me with your eyes
a ferrel boi gone grown
presently green to the core
a sapling tiger
with rough shod arms and an easy ride
ether Axihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07925567564608884731noreply@blogger.com0